Heard this one on #KEXP earlier today.
Santa is an Atheist — Casey McKinnon
Early this year, he thought he'd take a course
I'm talkin' about Saint Nick, of course
Well, he went to college and had some funAnd signed up for Physics 101
He learned of quarks and quasars and photons too
The big bang theory that created me and you
He read a Hawking book that said "God had no course
in creating our dear universe"Now Santa is an atheist
He found the Christ in mas just didn't existHow can he continue to compile his list?
Oh, Santa is an atheistAt first old Nick was seemingly confused
So he did some math to see if it could be proved
He thought hard and worried 'til he realizedThat Christmas didn't need to be deified
So Santa is an atheist
He found the Christ in mas just didn't exist
He hoped his wife and elves would get the gist
'Cause Santa is an atheistBut with a few more calculations, poor Santa disproved himself!
Oh, Santa was an atheist
Though I'm pretty sure he did never exist
May be nice to pretend, but I have to insistThat Santa was an atheist
The moral of the story is good and clear
You don't have to be a theist to spread some cheer
There may not be a god, but at least we got a tree
The log channel, eggnog, and you and me.
like this